Listen and Empathize

I just had an interesting activity with my student. I asked her to come up with a concept and a title for her own radio show. She had to pretend she was a disc jockey and I, the very weird-sounding caller, will try to talk about my current break-up. She handled the introduction well. Sadly, she forgot the two most important things she should remember in having a good conversation.

First, she kept on talking and never listened. She never asked me questions and continued talking until she ran out of things to say. Second, she failed to empathize with the person she was talking to.

Now, what are the things that we should remember in order to have a smooth-flowing conversation? Here are some tips I got online that I'd love to share with you:


HOW TO HAVE A GREAT CONVERSATION WITH ANYONE
http://public-speaking.in/guide/how-to-have-a-great-conversation-with-anyone/

The art of conversation takes practice, and is not as hard as you might think. It will take some knowledge, practice, and patience, and you can learn to relax and enjoy a great conversation.
With these tips you will be well on your way to having a good, meaningful and entertaining conversation with anyone!

• Make a good first impression. Smile, ask questions that require more than a yes/no answer, and really listen. Maintain eye contact and keep as friendly and polite as possible.
  


• Listen. This is the most important part of any conversation. You might think a conversation is all about talking, but it will not go anywhere if the listener is too busy thinking of something to say next. Pay attention to what is being said. When you talk to the other person, injecting a thought or two, they will often not realize that it was they who did most of the talking, and you get the credit for being a good conversationalist – which of course, you are!
  


• Find out what the other person is interested in. You can even do some research in advance when you know you will have an opportunity to talk with a specific person. Complimenting them is a great place to start. Everyone likes sincere compliments, and that can be a great ice-breaker.
  


• Ask questions. What do they like to do? What sort of things have they done in their life? What is happening to them now? What did they do today or last weekend? Identify things about them that you might be interested in hearing about, and politely ask questions. Remember, there was a reason that you wanted to talk to them, so obviously there was something about them that you found interesting.
  


• Forget yourself. Dale Carnegie once said, “It’s much easier to become interested in others than it is to convince them to be interested in you.” If you are too busy thinking about yourself, what you look like, or what the other person might be thinking, you will never be able to relax. Introduce yourself, shake hands, then forget yourself and focus on them instead.
  


• Practice active listening skills. Part of listening is letting the other person know that you are listening. Make eye contact. Nod. Say “Yes,” “I see,” “That’s interesting,” or something similar to give them clues that you are paying attention and not thinking about something else – such as what you are going to say next.
  


• Ask clarifying questions. If the topic seems to be one they are interested in, ask them to clarify what they think or feel about it. If they are talking about an occupation or activity you do not understand, take the opportunity to learn from them. Everyone loves having a chance to teach another willing and interested person about their hobby or subject of expertise.
  


• Paraphrase back what you have heard, using your own words. This seems like an easy skill to learn, but takes some practice to master. Conversation happens in turns, each person taking a turn to listen and a turn to speak or to respond. It shows respect for the other person when you use your “speaking turn” to show you have been listening and not just to say something new. They then have a chance to correct your understanding, affirm it, or embellish on it.
  


• Consider your response before disagreeing. If the point was not important, ignore it rather than risk appearing argumentative. If you consider it important then politely point out your difference of opinion. Do not disagree merely to set yourself apart, but remember these points:
  


• It is the differences in people–and their conversation–that make them interesting.
  Agreeing with everything can kill a conversation just as easily as disagreeing with everything.
  


• A person is interesting when they are different from you; a person is obnoxious when they can not agree with anything you say, or if they use the point to make themselves appear superior.
  


• Try to omit the word “but” from your conversation when disagreeing as this word often puts people on the defensive. Instead, try substituting the word “and”, it has less of an antagonistic effect.
  


• Consider playing devil’s advocate – which requires care. If your conversation partner makes a point, you can keep the conversation going by bringing up the opposite point of view (introduce it with something like “I agree, and…”). If you overuse this technique, however, you could end up appearing disagreeable or even hostile.
  


• Do not panic over lulls. This is a point where you could easily inject your thoughts into the discussion. If the topic seems to have run out, use the pause to think for a moment and identify another conversation topic or question to ask them. Did something they said remind you of something else you have heard, something that happened to you, or bring up a question or topic in your mind? Mention it and you’ll transition smoothly into further conversation!
  


• Know when the conversation is over. Even the best conversations will eventually run out of steam or be ended by an interruption. Shake hands with the other person and be sure to tell them you enjoyed talking with them. Ending on a positive note will leave a good impression and likely bring them back later for more!

Warnings

• Choose carefully when asking personal questions. You do not want to venture into overly personal issues. Even if the other person might be willing to talk about it, you may end up learning things that you really do not want to know. You certainly do not want the other person to think afterward that you coerced them into revealing personal information.
  


• Be sincere! Compliments are great, but too much flattery is obvious and will reveal you as being insincere.
  


• Beware of topics that can be inflammatory – such as religion and politics – and don’t venture into them unless you know the person has roughly the same convictions as you, or the circumstances otherwise allow for pleasant discussion. Again, it’s fine to disagree and can be nice to talk about differences, but it can also be a quick step toward an argument.
  


• Try not to argue! You do not have to agree with everything someone says, but you do not have to tell them all about how you disagree. If you feel the need to explain an opposing viewpoint, express it simply and without putting the other person on the defensive. It is better to simply change the subject in a casual conversation than to get involved in an argument.
  


• Try not to nod or respond with “Yes” and “I see” so much. It might make the person think you are bored and sometimes it may seem like you are rushing them along. Never say anything hurtful or offensive to the other person, this may project a bad feeling between you.


• If it is a planned conversation, try listening to the news in case you run out of thing to say, it is always a good solution.
  


• Also try not to cut the person off mid-sentence. It seems disrespectful and it makes it seem like what you have to say is more important than what the other person has to say. Let the person finish their thoughts and then continue on with thoughts of your own.

A Piece of Heaven on Earth

Here we go. I've finally managed to satisfy my French macaron craving today. It was my first time to try these cherub-like cookies. Take note, I was not exaggerating when I said that it was like a piece of heaven on earth. The experience was beyond words.

Need I say more?

The Big And Hairy Creatures

Have you ever wondered how it's like to be a kid again? Have you totally lost that kid in you and somehow you want it back so bad that people around you are starting to think you're acting childish? "Where The Wild Things Are", a movie directed by Spike Jonze is definitely a movie you should never miss.

This movie was adapted from a children's book by Maurice Sendak. It is about a bratty 9-year old boy named Max who, if analyzed, is someone who longs for attention. A boy who seems to be looking for a playmate but he is a weird kid and nobody wants to be friends with him. He usually puts on his wolf suit, grab a fork and wrestle his dog. He plays snowball fights with his teenage neighbors and he would end up under a pile of snow that used to be his makeshift igloo. Until one day, he saw his mom having a romantic casual talk with a guy, who I presume is her new boyfriend. He became uncontrollably mad, bit his mother on the shoulder when she was trying to stop him, and finally managed to run away from home.

He sailed away to an island where big and hairy creatures live. He made up stories to make them believe he used to be a king and eventually convinced them by his witty innocence. He then found new friends from these wild creature. Soon enough, Alexander, one of the wild creatures realized that the child is just a regular creature and not a powerful one, like what he used to claim he was. Carol, the closest friend that the Max had among the wild creatures became enraged and tried to kill the him. Luckily, he was saved by another big hairy creature named KW. Max thought of what his mother was going through and decided to leave the island.

Things were made clear that a child would never understand how adults are like. Adults, however, know that their behavior is beyond a child's comprehension. We know better than they do and we should take into consideration how they think and feel when things go wrong. We need to help them understand even if they don't because eventually they would. These kids also have a say and we must learn how to listen.

Therefore, there would always be that "kid" in all of us and we'd soon realize that things may be complex but if we try to simplify all those then they won't be that complicated anymore. It's like saying that when things get tough, we tend to think too hard, trying to find logic in everything we do and soon we'd find ourselves drowned in depression. We need to try to think simply. Life may not be a playground full of fun, but we have a choice to make it like one. Indeed, it's a roller coaster ride but we just have to enjoy the ride.

Living Alone? Get A Pet.

How many of you have animals at home? What kinds of pet do you guys have? Have you had or do you have exotic animals living with you?

Most single individuals prefer living with a pet to maybe lessen the loneliness they feel. It's great when you see people like them treating their pets as their own kids. Recently, I met a new student who's 38 years old, single and living alone errr living with a rabbit. Sadly, I forgot the name of her rabbit. As far as I know, she got its name from a cheese they had during a party and it's French. Since then, I've always asked her how the rabbit is doing. What makes this rabbit interesting is that it's black. How many people would get a black rabbit as pet? I'm scared that I might step on it and accidentally kill it during a blackout.

There's also this friend of mine who owns a hedgehog named Herbie. She bought it online and even brought it at work. Some thought of it as cute and some, including me, thought it's cute but hard to cuddle because of the spiky skin. I do have two naughty dogs at home and they usually chase me around and bite the hem of my jeans when I get home.

No matter what kind of pet each of us have, they all have one thing in common and that is they're the most loyal friend we could ever have. Give them all the love you have and they'd give you twice the love you gave them.

How To Defuse A Bomb

Obviously, I'm not the best person to be asked on how to defend one's self from the ever continuing threat of terrorism. I'm clueless about what warfare truly is about. What I know is that this year's Oscar Best Picture winner, The Hurt Locker, is a story of a brave yet reckless young soldier who is an expert in defusing bombs.

Putting yourself in such a risky situation to save the lives of many is truly heroic. The main character is married and has a son. I can't even imagine someone like him would courageously put himself on the line even if he knows that his job could eventually blow him up. That's true courage right there. He may be an expert in that field, but no one can ever tell when a bomb would explode.

Film critics have said that it is a near-perfect movie. Though I think it's not an overwhelmingly great movie, but it's worth watching. Another inspiring war movie directed by a woman named Kathryn Bigelow, James Cameron's ex-wife.

"I Can Think Of Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast."

"I can think of six impossible things before breakfast...."

-Alice Kingsley
Alice in Wonderland (Motion Picture, 2010)
Tim Burton

Alice Kingsley: This is impossible.
Mad Hatter: Only if you believe it is.

-Alice in Wonderland(Motion Picture, 2010)
Tim Burton

Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
Alice Kingsley: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

-Alice in Wonderland(Motion Picture, 2010)
Tim Burton

Yesterday was a big day for me and my friend Carla for we got to watch one of the much awaited movies for 2010, Alice in Wonderland.

I was planning to watch the movie with my other friends. However, we were unsure when we'd be able to see it. I was hopeful that we could watch Alice by next week and it brought me such joy when Carla sent me a message inviting me for movie date with her yesterday. Of course, I wouldn't have said "yes" to it if it wasn't for free.

When we got to the movie house, we looked at the board for the schedule and we saw two cinemas showing the same movie, but one's in 3D. Need I say more which one we picked? The movie was scheduled to start at 2:10 and so we still had time to have some mango smoothie with frozen yogurt in it at Red Mango. It was my first time to try froyo. What a shame! It was such a refreshing treat in such a hot day.

And so it was time to see the movie, got something to eat and finally went in. We were greeted by the cinema staff and with him were the 3D glasses. Wow! It was overwhelming to finally hold and use 3D glasses. I felt like a kid once more when I put on those glasses as the movie started. I felt more of like Alice, being in Wonderland.

The graphics were like floating from the background and every scene was dream-like. Glad, I didn't find myself protecting myself from stuff, you'd thought would hit you during the movie caused by the 3D effect. At the end, I realized "Alice in Wonderland" was an entertaining movie but a forgettable one. It's still a must-see I should say and people of any age would definitely enjoy it.

Photo Stories for 2010

The Jukebox Queen

I was planning of making photo stories this May, but I can't seem to wait. Many things have happened and it'd be best if I share it with you, my dear reader.

First, it was Carla who invited me to drop by her office so I could show her the pictures of our past shoot for her online shop. While I was there, I tried her latest craving, Snowflakes, glazed corn cereal from Nestle. It was better than Honey Stars, another kind of cereal also from Nestle. While I was there, Carla started looking up into my music archive for new songs and in return, she copied some of her songs to my flash disk.

I didn't get to listen to the songs as soon as I got back to work. Instead, I tried listening to some of the songs two days later since I found some of them too slow and surely bored the hell out of me. I took the risk to play the rest of the songs and happily, I listened to Toby Lightman and Tristan Prettyman's music. That's how I came up with this first photo story. I wanted to show Carla how I enjoyed the two artists' music by taking some photos of myself with the headset on.

Life is short. Eat dessert first.

One thing I've learned over time is to make the most out of life. I took this literally this time and so when Arianne asked me if I wanted her to send me some dessert, I quickly said "YES". I'm no YES woman, but I try to be one.

I have such a sweet tooth and rejecting the offer would be a stupid mistake. It didn't take her much time to give me the dessert and for the first time, she saw where I work and how quiet it is in the office. Anyhow, it was a decent dessert from Starbucks after all. Not one of the best cakes I've ever tried but the thought that my friend, Arianne, dropped by just to give me dessert is the sweetest thing ever.