For the last couple of days, I've been having meltdowns, terrible meltdowns. I've been thinking, worrying about things that I shouldn't be thinking nor worrying about.
I've been wishing for my old self back. Been searching for inspiration that might, somewhat, give me the energy and drive I used to have.
Until today, a few hours before I decided to write this blog, I saw the movie "Julie and Julia". I fell asleep while watching it, but not because it was boring. I was just sleepy since I get up very early in the morning everyday of my life. The movie made me realize what I was lacking.
Years have passed and now that I'm 21. Yes, I am 21. Some may think I'm still young, but I feel like I'm older than my age. Maybe because I'm just merely trying to survive and not really living my life. Anyways, the movie made me realize how much I like working on things and end up not finishing what I started. Just like this blog site. I was very excited when I posted my first blog, the second and it lasted until...until I can't fully remember anymore. That's how I am and I'm determined to change it.
Just last month, I was able to fulfill one of my wildest dreams. I wanted to go backpacking with a friend somewhere in Southeast Asia and I did. Finally, a plan was made into a reality! From then on I told myself that if I only believe that I can't just plan, everything is POSSIBLE. I no longer just plan, I set my eyes on the things I want to do while I still have the energy to sustain me and the more I think about it, the more I get driven. I've never felt like this before and I want to share it to everybody how blissful this feeling is.
I turned off my media player so I could concentrate on this blog and it worked out quite nice. I want to offer this blog to my ever loving friends and parents, who never failed to give me compliments, telling me how nice my works are and how crazy I think most of the time. They give me constructive criticisms too and I'm learning from it. I'm just so blessed to have them in my life. Oh! I also would like to express my deepest gratitude to the freedom I have now. Without it, I would never be able to do movie marathons each day. I would never be able to realize what I was lacking. I would never learn what I've been missing all these years. I would never even be able to write this blog without that FREEDOM.
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